The Typing Monkey digs the short films of Jason Willis. And the rascal's back again with another seasonal effort:
Moon Monster - Animated Horror Fan Club Spot (Comic Book Ad, 1970) from Jason Willis on Vimeo.
It's good fun and took a lot of work, as you might imagine. Read about the making of Moon Monster here. And check out Mr. Willis' website for more neat stuff.
Showing posts with label commerce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label commerce. Show all posts
Monday, October 20, 2014
Friday, April 11, 2014
We'll be right back after these messages.
Please take some time to look at Albrecht Dürer's "Rhinoceros." It's a woodcut the artist made in 1515. We are mildly curious about the text above the illustration, but that's a distant second to the detail of the rhino's "armor."
Look at:
Really, look at it. And know that it sold at auction in 2013 for $866,500. LOOK AT IT. You can't put a price tag on that. But someone did and now they have it, hanging somewhere, or in storage. But we can see it here, rendered in ones and zeros.
Look at:
Really, look at it. And know that it sold at auction in 2013 for $866,500. LOOK AT IT. You can't put a price tag on that. But someone did and now they have it, hanging somewhere, or in storage. But we can see it here, rendered in ones and zeros.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Are You Ready to Ragnarok?
Remember back in Nov 2013, we alerted you to the Norse historical and mythology enthusiast in England who, per their calculations, predicted that Ragnarok was near, so they blew a ceremonial horn to mark the approaching end? No?
Oh well. It won't matter anyway because Feb 22 the fall of Asgard begins. That is, assuming the predicted date is correct. Hurry up and read about it. We haven't much time.
***
Bonus Bigfoot News!
Since we're all doomed, let's take a moment and embrace the snake-oil charm of self-proclaimed Bigfoot hunter Rick Dyer's touring show. To sum up: Dyer claims he killed a Sasquatch two years ago. He preserved the body and is now touring the United States, charging a fee to those who want to take a peek at the beast.
We could be offended at Dyer's claim. There's no chance of it passing the typical baloney detecting questions. But if Dyer wants to revive the medicine show to make a few buck off of believers and non-believers alike, why waste the energy? The Typing Monkey would put good money on the possibility that Dyer's story becomes a musical in a couple years.
 |
| Then the Awful Fight Began by George Wright, 1908 |
***
Bonus Bigfoot News!
Since we're all doomed, let's take a moment and embrace the snake-oil charm of self-proclaimed Bigfoot hunter Rick Dyer's touring show. To sum up: Dyer claims he killed a Sasquatch two years ago. He preserved the body and is now touring the United States, charging a fee to those who want to take a peek at the beast.
We could be offended at Dyer's claim. There's no chance of it passing the typical baloney detecting questions. But if Dyer wants to revive the medicine show to make a few buck off of believers and non-believers alike, why waste the energy? The Typing Monkey would put good money on the possibility that Dyer's story becomes a musical in a couple years.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
TL;DR -- More Typing, Less Monkey
In scouring the unpaved service roads, blind alleys and drainage ditches of the information superhighway to put together this year's Halloween Frenzy, we accumulated a few items that, while strange or even a little scary, didn't fit within the tasteful orange and black boundaries we try to maintain.
That doesn't mean we don't want to share them. So welcome to our clearance sale.
First up is an ultimately sad tale all the way back from January of this year, so if it's a rerun to you, we apologize. But this tale of vorarephilia is fascinating. Canada's National Post reports of a man who sought help at a Toronto psychiatric hospital in 2012.
The man expressed a desire to be consumed by a "large, dominant woman." He wanted to be eaten. Most cases of vorarephilia involve the diagnosed party as wanting to eat others. So this man's case proved unusual and worth further study. There's so much more to this story, including a puzzling end.
***
From strange consumption to mass consumption: On October 10, Truth Dig reported on a horrible prediction from this year's Chocolate Industry Network Conference in London. The forecast for chocolate does not look good friends. Evidence mounts.
One day, future generations will only know of the confection through a few perverted tales and perhaps a candy wrapper on display in a temple somewhere. We try to make light of this situation because as the adage goes, sometimes laughing is the only alternative to tears.
***
All mythologies have end-of-days stories. Norse mythology tells of Ragnarok, the ultimate battle of the gods against the giants that will result in the death of Odin, the all-father, and the plunging of Midgard [that's Earth, y'all -- ed.] into endless dark, cold winter.
As it turns out, some Norse scholars in England think Ragnarok is about to commence, and they blew a symbolic horn to mark the beginning of the end, which should arrive 100 days from Nov 15. Thanks, guys!
Read all about it on the Daily Mail site, which features a ton of video ads, so adjust your volume accordingly. [And a tip of the antlered helmet to the supremely wonderful Walt Simonson for the late-breaking news lead.]
***
We end this three-course feast of strange with a chewy dessert called The Bus. It's been making the rounds at comics, writing and art blogs for the past couple months, and with good reason. It's a series of short comic strips by Paul Kirchner. We know nothing more about it or him. We could look him up and find out, but frankly, the mystery just adds to the charm of The Bus.
That doesn't mean we don't want to share them. So welcome to our clearance sale.
First up is an ultimately sad tale all the way back from January of this year, so if it's a rerun to you, we apologize. But this tale of vorarephilia is fascinating. Canada's National Post reports of a man who sought help at a Toronto psychiatric hospital in 2012.
The man expressed a desire to be consumed by a "large, dominant woman." He wanted to be eaten. Most cases of vorarephilia involve the diagnosed party as wanting to eat others. So this man's case proved unusual and worth further study. There's so much more to this story, including a puzzling end.
***
From strange consumption to mass consumption: On October 10, Truth Dig reported on a horrible prediction from this year's Chocolate Industry Network Conference in London. The forecast for chocolate does not look good friends. Evidence mounts.
One day, future generations will only know of the confection through a few perverted tales and perhaps a candy wrapper on display in a temple somewhere. We try to make light of this situation because as the adage goes, sometimes laughing is the only alternative to tears.
***
As it turns out, some Norse scholars in England think Ragnarok is about to commence, and they blew a symbolic horn to mark the beginning of the end, which should arrive 100 days from Nov 15. Thanks, guys!
Read all about it on the Daily Mail site, which features a ton of video ads, so adjust your volume accordingly. [And a tip of the antlered helmet to the supremely wonderful Walt Simonson for the late-breaking news lead.]
***
We end this three-course feast of strange with a chewy dessert called The Bus. It's been making the rounds at comics, writing and art blogs for the past couple months, and with good reason. It's a series of short comic strips by Paul Kirchner. We know nothing more about it or him. We could look him up and find out, but frankly, the mystery just adds to the charm of The Bus.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Too Soon
Our new intern, Kim (a boy ... named Kim!) returned two weeks ago from a trip to buy office supplies [hard cider, potato chips and chocolate-covered almonds are going in the office supply budget now? -- ed.] and returned to TMI headquarters visibly upset.
Initially we were unwilling to take the bait from this millennial kid who knows what a Tumblr is and has feelings and stuff. But his blue mood started to infect the rest of us.
It turns out, Kim was a great addition to The Typing Monkey because the source of his melancholy was the fact that two of the stores he visited already had Halloween decorations available for purchase. The date was Aug 3.
"It was a small display but it was there -- orange candles, plastic autumn leaves and Jack-o-lantern decorations," Kim sighed.
Our regular reader knows how deeply The Typing Monkey loves Halloween. It is the best holiday Western Civilization has ever devised. FACT.
But it's still summer. At the time of this posting, Labor Day is more than two weeks away. Back to school sales are still going strong, and if retail giants are willing to start displaying Halloween items in mid-August, then the dreaded Christmas onslaught will come even sooner.
Sorry, Thanksgiving, you've become the Jan Brady of major holidays.
To paraphrase The Byrds and the bible, there's a time to carve pumpkins and a time to do many other things that aren't carving pumpkins.
But commerce cannot be stopped. This is how we live now.
Initially we were unwilling to take the bait from this millennial kid who knows what a Tumblr is and has feelings and stuff. But his blue mood started to infect the rest of us.
It turns out, Kim was a great addition to The Typing Monkey because the source of his melancholy was the fact that two of the stores he visited already had Halloween decorations available for purchase. The date was Aug 3.
"It was a small display but it was there -- orange candles, plastic autumn leaves and Jack-o-lantern decorations," Kim sighed.
Our regular reader knows how deeply The Typing Monkey loves Halloween. It is the best holiday Western Civilization has ever devised. FACT.
But it's still summer. At the time of this posting, Labor Day is more than two weeks away. Back to school sales are still going strong, and if retail giants are willing to start displaying Halloween items in mid-August, then the dreaded Christmas onslaught will come even sooner.
Sorry, Thanksgiving, you've become the Jan Brady of major holidays.
To paraphrase The Byrds and the bible, there's a time to carve pumpkins and a time to do many other things that aren't carving pumpkins.
But commerce cannot be stopped. This is how we live now.
 |
| Photo by 1966 United Feature Syndicate – © 1966 United Feature Syndicate Inc. All rights reserved. |
Friday, June 14, 2013
... Y-O-U ... A-R-E ... D-R-U ... N ... K
We try not to hype consumer durables that we haven't personally tested on The Typing Monkey. But sometimes a product reaches us via advertising and just plain old PR reach, and we think decide to share it with our reader, untested.
Evil Spirits Distillery has devised a clever marketing scheme to sell their vodka, which may or may not be delicious. (It will most certainly get you drunk, but then so will Sterno.)
Regard:
Based on some of the photos posted at Who Forted? it looks like the "deluxe" bottle may come with an actual Ouija board. There's no indication how much it will cost, but we're sure it will be pricey. That's "perceived value" or some stuff. Ask your economics professor.
[Thanks to Who Forted? for bringing Evil Spirits to our attention. It's a fun blog with a regrettable name.]
Evil Spirits Distillery has devised a clever marketing scheme to sell their vodka, which may or may not be delicious. (It will most certainly get you drunk, but then so will Sterno.)
Regard:
Based on some of the photos posted at Who Forted? it looks like the "deluxe" bottle may come with an actual Ouija board. There's no indication how much it will cost, but we're sure it will be pricey. That's "perceived value" or some stuff. Ask your economics professor.
[Thanks to Who Forted? for bringing Evil Spirits to our attention. It's a fun blog with a regrettable name.]
Monday, May 20, 2013
Wackys Found
For a certain kind of kid, probably most kinds of kid, the phrase "Wacky Packs" triggers immediate memories of playground conclaves in which the titular cards and stickers were shown off and traded as aggressively as pork bellies at the Chicago Mercantile Exchange.
For those sadly left out of that Venn diagram, this is a Wacky card:
It's a simple concept. A silly, unexpected or gross-out pun on a popular consumer product is played for laughs. Children, slobbering teens and adults with severe cases of arrested development in the pop culture realm, fell under the sway of Wacky Packs.
Most of the artists responsible for Wacky Packs were of the '60s and '70s comic underground movement. We hope Topps, the baseball-card and petrified gum company that produced Wackys, paid the artists well because kids spent plenty of allowance and paper route earnings on the cards.
Seeing Wackys now gives us a better understanding of how a bunch of Mad magazine types helped shape a generation or two of consumers happy to bite the tail of the commerce beast. We may eat Doritos, but we can laugh along with Don't Eat Those.
There are two astounding archives of Wacky Packages, and probably more, on the web. Lost Wackys catalogs some of the rare specimens, while WackyPackages.org is a buyer's guide run by a fellow named Greg, who will also sell you sets.
Before we release you into the galleries of Lost Wackys, we want to share with you two examples from the '70s era sets that simply wouldn't fly today. "Hostage Cupcakes" is far too grim for modern parenting and "Commie Cleanser" requires both a knowledge of the existence of Comet cleanser and Communism. Discuss?
For those sadly left out of that Venn diagram, this is a Wacky card:
It's a simple concept. A silly, unexpected or gross-out pun on a popular consumer product is played for laughs. Children, slobbering teens and adults with severe cases of arrested development in the pop culture realm, fell under the sway of Wacky Packs.
Most of the artists responsible for Wacky Packs were of the '60s and '70s comic underground movement. We hope Topps, the baseball-card and petrified gum company that produced Wackys, paid the artists well because kids spent plenty of allowance and paper route earnings on the cards.
Seeing Wackys now gives us a better understanding of how a bunch of Mad magazine types helped shape a generation or two of consumers happy to bite the tail of the commerce beast. We may eat Doritos, but we can laugh along with Don't Eat Those.
There are two astounding archives of Wacky Packages, and probably more, on the web. Lost Wackys catalogs some of the rare specimens, while WackyPackages.org is a buyer's guide run by a fellow named Greg, who will also sell you sets.
Before we release you into the galleries of Lost Wackys, we want to share with you two examples from the '70s era sets that simply wouldn't fly today. "Hostage Cupcakes" is far too grim for modern parenting and "Commie Cleanser" requires both a knowledge of the existence of Comet cleanser and Communism. Discuss?
Friday, May 17, 2013
tl;dr
The Typing Monkey may re-use that headline (and tag) anytime we post links to articles on the web that actually qualify as articles.
What qualifies us to decide what qualifies as an "article"? Any piece we read that reaches a certain tipping point of the tl;dr factor. To save you a trip to Urban Dictionary, that weird abbreviation stands for "too long; didn't read" and is often used jokingly in comments under articles on the Web.
But it's just as often typed in earnest, because attention for reading web articles drops exponentially after certain word counts. The numbers vary depending on which study you read, but the advice is the same: the shorter the better. Which loosely means, anything that can't be read "above the fold" -- read without the user having to scroll further down the page -- is least likely to be read.
Why does this happen? Again, search around the Web and read up on studies, statistics and opinions, but the fact that it happens bugs us. It bugs us even more when we catch ourselves doing it. Never mind that this very blog posts two- and three-page scrollers all the time. We just can't shut up and that's another issue entirely.
So in defense of long-form journalism, criticism and other types of information delivery through the written word, we'll put "tl;dr" right there in the headline to let you know that what we're linking to, when we're recommending it, is more than one "page down" button's worth of reading but worth the time and attention.
To the links!
First up is "Wikipedia's Women Problem" from science writer James Gleick for The New York Review of Books. If you've been following the story at all, Wikipedia has slowly moved all of the women from the category "American novelists" into a sub-category specific to their gender. While this sort of OCD categorizing isn't weird on it's own, it's a problem because they didn't call the other category "male American novelists." Gleick goes deep. Hold on.
Take a break, drink some juice and then dig into Christopher Riley's love letter to Richard Feynman from The Telegraph. Riley's piece is secretly hyping the film version of his love letter to Feynman, but that doesn't reduce the appeal of his writing.
And perhaps most interesting to all of us at TMI, is a Wilson Quarterly article by Tom Vanderbilt called "Star Wars." Vanderbilt examines the value of "user review" critical opinions that dominate and influence our behavior on the Web and in the real world of commerce.
Yelp, Amazon and other giants of this format really do shape opinions, but Vanderbilt asks whether there's any real worth in these arbitrary and generally anonymous voices. Plus he asks what we bring to these opinions in contrast to what we might bring to the critical writing of that dying species: the paid, published critic.
For us, Vanderbilt's article is the most interesting, but all are worth a dive.
You'll be seeing mention of Arts & Letters Daily frequently for the tl;dr items, because that's where we go most often to grow our brains. Thank you A&L.
What qualifies us to decide what qualifies as an "article"? Any piece we read that reaches a certain tipping point of the tl;dr factor. To save you a trip to Urban Dictionary, that weird abbreviation stands for "too long; didn't read" and is often used jokingly in comments under articles on the Web.
But it's just as often typed in earnest, because attention for reading web articles drops exponentially after certain word counts. The numbers vary depending on which study you read, but the advice is the same: the shorter the better. Which loosely means, anything that can't be read "above the fold" -- read without the user having to scroll further down the page -- is least likely to be read.
Why does this happen? Again, search around the Web and read up on studies, statistics and opinions, but the fact that it happens bugs us. It bugs us even more when we catch ourselves doing it. Never mind that this very blog posts two- and three-page scrollers all the time. We just can't shut up and that's another issue entirely.
So in defense of long-form journalism, criticism and other types of information delivery through the written word, we'll put "tl;dr" right there in the headline to let you know that what we're linking to, when we're recommending it, is more than one "page down" button's worth of reading but worth the time and attention.To the links!
First up is "Wikipedia's Women Problem" from science writer James Gleick for The New York Review of Books. If you've been following the story at all, Wikipedia has slowly moved all of the women from the category "American novelists" into a sub-category specific to their gender. While this sort of OCD categorizing isn't weird on it's own, it's a problem because they didn't call the other category "male American novelists." Gleick goes deep. Hold on.
Take a break, drink some juice and then dig into Christopher Riley's love letter to Richard Feynman from The Telegraph. Riley's piece is secretly hyping the film version of his love letter to Feynman, but that doesn't reduce the appeal of his writing.
And perhaps most interesting to all of us at TMI, is a Wilson Quarterly article by Tom Vanderbilt called "Star Wars." Vanderbilt examines the value of "user review" critical opinions that dominate and influence our behavior on the Web and in the real world of commerce.
Yelp, Amazon and other giants of this format really do shape opinions, but Vanderbilt asks whether there's any real worth in these arbitrary and generally anonymous voices. Plus he asks what we bring to these opinions in contrast to what we might bring to the critical writing of that dying species: the paid, published critic.
For us, Vanderbilt's article is the most interesting, but all are worth a dive.
You'll be seeing mention of Arts & Letters Daily frequently for the tl;dr items, because that's where we go most often to grow our brains. Thank you A&L.
Monday, February 18, 2013
For Sale: Antique Mirror With Angry Ghost
Once in a while, the digital swap meet eBay scores a touchdown on behalf of weird-news seekers by offering something truly strange.
Potato chips that look like presidents are fine, but The Typing Monkey really flips for anything that the seller claims is haunted or cursed. And eBay's UK market really paid off when a seller going by the name "mrjoiee" put a mirror up for sale that is "very possibly haunted."
The asking price was £100 [~$155], which "mrjoiee" got from the single bid that was offered:
For that price, the buyer will get a 56" x 48" mirror that "was originally walnut" but was restored by "mrjoiee's" roommate "with a metallic silver colour, making it appear more modern."
According the the account from the seller, the landlord at their flat had put the mirror out with other trash, the seller and roommate asked if they could have it and, to paraphrase Elvis Presley, that's when their heartache began:
"Many times since putting up the mirror, both myself and my flat mate have woken in the early morning hours screaming in pain. We both experienced what I can only describe as intense sharp stabbing pains throughout out bodies. They would strike us both at the same time, then dissapear as fast as they came. Our original suspicions were that somebody was performing some kind of voodoo or Black magic on us.
"The mood in the flat turned sour. I felt constantly as if there was a sense of impending doom upon us. As if something awful was about to happen. Both of us began to feel zombie like, as if drained of all our energy. Many times over the course of the next few months we were unable to move out of bed, our bodies weak and tired for no apparent reason.
"However, leaving the flat for any short amount of time would make us both feel instantly better. Upon returning to the flat, the zapping of energy feeling would strike again." [Capitalization and grammar intact from original post.]
The story culminates in a flatmate going to the emergency room, and unexplainable scratches on the body of the seller, that coincided with terrible pain and vivid nightmares. And now that mirror, which once hung in the hallway of the building, before its brief, awful tenure in the seller's flat, now goes to a new home.
"Mrjoiee" posted a Q&A for the sale, answering honest inquiries as well as replying to the expected jokes. Here's our favorite:
Q: Hi there mrjoiee! I was just wondering if you had any more details about the nature of the malevolent entity haunting your mirror. I've come across loads that have tormented souls of the dead trapped inside them, but I really need to track down one of the much rarer demonic models. It sounds fussy I know, but I run a vampire hairdressers and the only mirrors capable of showing the reflection of the damned are those that are forged of purest evil. So I was wondering if you could do me a favour and check for a serial number on the back, which will hopefully start 666... But I expect the label has peeled off, so you could do a quick diagnostic test instead? It's really easy, just turn all the lights off, face the mirror and say the word "candyman" three times. If terrifying carnage ensues, consider it sold! Thanks for your help!
A: Haha you almost had me going there for a minute!
Oh, internets! How we love you.
For astute readers, this story may sound a little familiar.
[Lights out and three chants of "bloody Mary" to MSN Now]
Potato chips that look like presidents are fine, but The Typing Monkey really flips for anything that the seller claims is haunted or cursed. And eBay's UK market really paid off when a seller going by the name "mrjoiee" put a mirror up for sale that is "very possibly haunted."
The asking price was £100 [~$155], which "mrjoiee" got from the single bid that was offered:
For that price, the buyer will get a 56" x 48" mirror that "was originally walnut" but was restored by "mrjoiee's" roommate "with a metallic silver colour, making it appear more modern."
According the the account from the seller, the landlord at their flat had put the mirror out with other trash, the seller and roommate asked if they could have it and, to paraphrase Elvis Presley, that's when their heartache began:
"Many times since putting up the mirror, both myself and my flat mate have woken in the early morning hours screaming in pain. We both experienced what I can only describe as intense sharp stabbing pains throughout out bodies. They would strike us both at the same time, then dissapear as fast as they came. Our original suspicions were that somebody was performing some kind of voodoo or Black magic on us.
"The mood in the flat turned sour. I felt constantly as if there was a sense of impending doom upon us. As if something awful was about to happen. Both of us began to feel zombie like, as if drained of all our energy. Many times over the course of the next few months we were unable to move out of bed, our bodies weak and tired for no apparent reason.
"However, leaving the flat for any short amount of time would make us both feel instantly better. Upon returning to the flat, the zapping of energy feeling would strike again." [Capitalization and grammar intact from original post.]
The story culminates in a flatmate going to the emergency room, and unexplainable scratches on the body of the seller, that coincided with terrible pain and vivid nightmares. And now that mirror, which once hung in the hallway of the building, before its brief, awful tenure in the seller's flat, now goes to a new home.
"Mrjoiee" posted a Q&A for the sale, answering honest inquiries as well as replying to the expected jokes. Here's our favorite:
Q: Hi there mrjoiee! I was just wondering if you had any more details about the nature of the malevolent entity haunting your mirror. I've come across loads that have tormented souls of the dead trapped inside them, but I really need to track down one of the much rarer demonic models. It sounds fussy I know, but I run a vampire hairdressers and the only mirrors capable of showing the reflection of the damned are those that are forged of purest evil. So I was wondering if you could do me a favour and check for a serial number on the back, which will hopefully start 666... But I expect the label has peeled off, so you could do a quick diagnostic test instead? It's really easy, just turn all the lights off, face the mirror and say the word "candyman" three times. If terrifying carnage ensues, consider it sold! Thanks for your help!
A: Haha you almost had me going there for a minute!
Oh, internets! How we love you.
For astute readers, this story may sound a little familiar.
[Lights out and three chants of "bloody Mary" to MSN Now]
Monday, February 11, 2013
Candy News Bulletin
We interrupt our programming to bring you this special report on seasonal Dots.
As regular Typing Monkey readers know, Ghost Dots, and other Halloween variants of the Tootsie Roll Industries' excellent gumdrop, are a big deal at TMI headquarters.
So imagine our surprise when we discovered, while shopping at a Grocery Outlet this past weekend, Christmas Dots. Unsurprisingly, the holiday that won't shut up from Labor Day through New Year's Day, inspired just one holiday-themed Dot from Tootsie.
We are happy to report they're delicious.
Christmas Dots are cherry or lime, each capped with an opaque cap of vanilla, as if a tasty snow has dusted candy land. The cherry dominates the vanilla, giving a wallop of chemical fruitiness smoothed only a little by the creamy chaser. The lime fares better by tasting a little more balanced between "green" flavor and vanilla.
Yes, we realize that at the time of this posting, Valentine's Day is three days away. Tootsie Roll Industries has that covered.
But when a giant bag of fun-sized boxes of Christmas Dots costs just $1.49, you think we're going to pass that up? It's for science.
Look for 'em next year (or on clearance right now ... ahem) and if you can find the fun-size bag, as we did, know that the back of each box has a handy "to & from" tag, and for those with far too much time on their hands, the boxes can be turned into ornaments.
As regular Typing Monkey readers know, Ghost Dots, and other Halloween variants of the Tootsie Roll Industries' excellent gumdrop, are a big deal at TMI headquarters.
So imagine our surprise when we discovered, while shopping at a Grocery Outlet this past weekend, Christmas Dots. Unsurprisingly, the holiday that won't shut up from Labor Day through New Year's Day, inspired just one holiday-themed Dot from Tootsie.
We are happy to report they're delicious.
Christmas Dots are cherry or lime, each capped with an opaque cap of vanilla, as if a tasty snow has dusted candy land. The cherry dominates the vanilla, giving a wallop of chemical fruitiness smoothed only a little by the creamy chaser. The lime fares better by tasting a little more balanced between "green" flavor and vanilla.
Yes, we realize that at the time of this posting, Valentine's Day is three days away. Tootsie Roll Industries has that covered.
But when a giant bag of fun-sized boxes of Christmas Dots costs just $1.49, you think we're going to pass that up? It's for science.
Look for 'em next year (or on clearance right now ... ahem) and if you can find the fun-size bag, as we did, know that the back of each box has a handy "to & from" tag, and for those with far too much time on their hands, the boxes can be turned into ornaments.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Message in a Gravestone
An Oregon woman bought some fake gravestones at K-Mart in 2011. The Halloween decorations were put into storage unopened.
A year later, she opened them to put them up for the October holiday and found something far scarier than the cold embrace of the grave: a note allegedly written by a Chinese laborer at the factory where the disposable-income item was manufactured. It's a plea for help, detailing the harsh working conditions in which the item was made.
The note sets of The Typing Monkey's baloney detector, though it's entirely possible that it's legitimate. We don't deny that many things we buy -- including the computer used to write and post this information -- are crafted and assembled in conditions our well-fed and generally secure selves would find deplorable and unimaginably cruel.
Yet the note seems a little too good to be true in terms of human rights-riling. Why is this making news two months after the note was discovered? The timing seems off, given that many Westerners have recently spent millions (billions) buying things we don't need to celebrate Christmas.
Read it and draw your own conclusions.
A year later, she opened them to put them up for the October holiday and found something far scarier than the cold embrace of the grave: a note allegedly written by a Chinese laborer at the factory where the disposable-income item was manufactured. It's a plea for help, detailing the harsh working conditions in which the item was made.
The note sets of The Typing Monkey's baloney detector, though it's entirely possible that it's legitimate. We don't deny that many things we buy -- including the computer used to write and post this information -- are crafted and assembled in conditions our well-fed and generally secure selves would find deplorable and unimaginably cruel.
Yet the note seems a little too good to be true in terms of human rights-riling. Why is this making news two months after the note was discovered? The timing seems off, given that many Westerners have recently spent millions (billions) buying things we don't need to celebrate Christmas.
Read it and draw your own conclusions.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Norton!
Perhaps you missed the news about a "Frankenstorm" called Sandy that slammed into the Eastern Seaboard just before Halloween, leaving unavoidable destruction of the natural disaster sort.
As residents of New Jersey, New York, et al. clean up and assess damage, the staff at Norton Records found that their Brooklyn warehouse took quite a bit of water damage.
There are few things that make us sadder than books and records (CDs, LPs, 45s and such) being destroyed. And Norton does good work, providing new and re-issued music that concentrates on the r&b, soul, early rock, surf, garage, jump blues and general outsider tunes from the first half of the 20th century. They've also been re-issuing obscure pulp paperbacks too, which you can imagine got us all in a dither.
Norton's staff is still cleaning up the mess, but when they're done, help 'em out by buying something. The wheels of Capitalism are greased with your hard-earned dough, so you might as well grease the wheels you like, no?
As residents of New Jersey, New York, et al. clean up and assess damage, the staff at Norton Records found that their Brooklyn warehouse took quite a bit of water damage.
There are few things that make us sadder than books and records (CDs, LPs, 45s and such) being destroyed. And Norton does good work, providing new and re-issued music that concentrates on the r&b, soul, early rock, surf, garage, jump blues and general outsider tunes from the first half of the 20th century. They've also been re-issuing obscure pulp paperbacks too, which you can imagine got us all in a dither.
Norton's staff is still cleaning up the mess, but when they're done, help 'em out by buying something. The wheels of Capitalism are greased with your hard-earned dough, so you might as well grease the wheels you like, no?
Thursday, October 4, 2012
It's Only a Gumdrop
Regular readers may recall the Ghost Dot Crisis of 2010, which spilled over into 2011 as well.
For the uninitiated, Tootsie Roll Industries makes a seasonal selection of their Dots candy, the best of which is Ghost Dots. During the past two Halloweens, they've been increasingly difficult to find, especially in the fun-size boxes one might hand out to trick-or-treaters.
Last year, on Nov 2, our legal team drafted a stern letter to Tootsie Roll Industries [ didn't intern Eileen just fill out a form on their website? -- ed.] and got a response within 24 hours from a nice lady named Susan:
"Thank you for contacting us. Ghost Dots were available, but apparently, no retailers in your area ordered them. Sorry."
We have yet to really scour the region for Ghost Dots, but found this Halloween candy page on Tootsie's online store, which does not bode well.
Those lonely howls you hear on Oct 31 may in fact be the agonized baying of all at The Typing Monkey, as we drown our sorrows in the pumpkin patch. Don't let us down, Tootsie Roll Industries.
For the uninitiated, Tootsie Roll Industries makes a seasonal selection of their Dots candy, the best of which is Ghost Dots. During the past two Halloweens, they've been increasingly difficult to find, especially in the fun-size boxes one might hand out to trick-or-treaters.Last year, on Nov 2, our legal team drafted a stern letter to Tootsie Roll Industries [ didn't intern Eileen just fill out a form on their website? -- ed.] and got a response within 24 hours from a nice lady named Susan:
"Thank you for contacting us. Ghost Dots were available, but apparently, no retailers in your area ordered them. Sorry."
We have yet to really scour the region for Ghost Dots, but found this Halloween candy page on Tootsie's online store, which does not bode well.
Those lonely howls you hear on Oct 31 may in fact be the agonized baying of all at The Typing Monkey, as we drown our sorrows in the pumpkin patch. Don't let us down, Tootsie Roll Industries.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Put Some Clothes On (Again)
Some true believers also have a sense of humor about reading superhero comics because, well, muscular men in tights and capes. Also most comic book consumers are grown-ass men. Therefore:
That's right, bunkie, it's a t-shirt.
Mighty Fine does other pop-culture tees too but we've a particular affinity for their Marvel line, which has some serious and some silly depictions, but digs fairly deep into the character well too. Where's the company credit card ...
[Post script: Does Daniel Dumile know about this?]
That's right, bunkie, it's a t-shirt.
Mighty Fine does other pop-culture tees too but we've a particular affinity for their Marvel line, which has some serious and some silly depictions, but digs fairly deep into the character well too. Where's the company credit card ...
[Post script: Does Daniel Dumile know about this?]
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Put Some Clothes On
A recent rekindled romance with the Friends of Hell album by NWOBHM stalwarts Witchfinder General [not to be confused with the film, which is excellent -- ed.] inspired a search for merchandise so that we could feel superior while wearing it around the office and then explain to the uninitiated about the band.
Lucky us, we landed at Grumpy Clothing. Aside from being the official source for Witchfinder General t-shirts, the Canadian retailer also offers dozens of tees with art both clever and high-quality. Go now and check it out, surely you'll find something for yourself or a friend. Stimulate the global economy and then wear it with pride.
And though you didn't ask, the Witchfinder General tee looks fantastic. You must wear something, no?
Lucky us, we landed at Grumpy Clothing. Aside from being the official source for Witchfinder General t-shirts, the Canadian retailer also offers dozens of tees with art both clever and high-quality. Go now and check it out, surely you'll find something for yourself or a friend. Stimulate the global economy and then wear it with pride.
[Image courtesy of Grumpy Clothing, copyright 2009]
And though you didn't ask, the Witchfinder General tee looks fantastic. You must wear something, no?
Friday, July 30, 2010
The Roar of the Greasepaint
Daniel Cronin's ICP Parking Lot photos have already circumnavigated the Web world a few times. Don't feel bad if they passed you by, but do take a look. Cronin simply documented, and the result is pure journalism -- information that the audience is trusted to process however it will.
Many audience members will respond with laughter. And that's okay. The Juggalos probably derive as much nourishment from mockery as they do from their omnipresent bottles of Faygo.
Cronin's text introducing ICP Parking Lot gets at something about Juggalo culture that's generally overlooked: "They have built an entire lifestyle and genre of music with little to no main-stream backing over the last 15+ years."
It's a detail mentioned early on in this 17-minute long infomercial advertising The 2010 Gathering -- a four-day long multi-media festival and the only sponsor is Insane Clown Posse's own media company, Psychopathic. Chew on that for a minute. Four days of music, film, and other entertainments all done without outside corporate sponsorship.
Does Burning Man have corporate backing? Did Dischord ever put together anything this big? Counter-culture, punk, DIY ... whatever. Be impressed or be afraid, but do pay attention.
Many audience members will respond with laughter. And that's okay. The Juggalos probably derive as much nourishment from mockery as they do from their omnipresent bottles of Faygo.Cronin's text introducing ICP Parking Lot gets at something about Juggalo culture that's generally overlooked: "They have built an entire lifestyle and genre of music with little to no main-stream backing over the last 15+ years."
It's a detail mentioned early on in this 17-minute long infomercial advertising The 2010 Gathering -- a four-day long multi-media festival and the only sponsor is Insane Clown Posse's own media company, Psychopathic. Chew on that for a minute. Four days of music, film, and other entertainments all done without outside corporate sponsorship.
Does Burning Man have corporate backing? Did Dischord ever put together anything this big? Counter-culture, punk, DIY ... whatever. Be impressed or be afraid, but do pay attention.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Bein' Happy
January 21, 2010 marks two years of Typing Monkey blogging. We're going over the budget for the fiscal year in order to make sure we can keep this thing going.
The Who
Yeah The Who did Tommy and Quadrophenia. But this little one-off indicates that perhaps John, Pete, Keith & Roger missed out on an opportunity to do their own silly adventure in the style of Help! or A Hard Day's Night.
In the meantime:
The Who
"Happy Jack"
[courtesy: coldhearted06]
[courtesy: coldhearted06]
Yeah The Who did Tommy and Quadrophenia. But this little one-off indicates that perhaps John, Pete, Keith & Roger missed out on an opportunity to do their own silly adventure in the style of Help! or A Hard Day's Night.
Bonus entertainment!
A fellow called "Seanbaby" has a Website with various pop culture remembries. It's arranged nicely and easy to navigate, even if the majority of it is lost on us. He does however, have a page dedicated to those Hostess advertisements from the back pages of comic books in which superheroes fight crime by handing out fruit pies. [Accompanying text is PG-13, and not terribly clever. But you can't beat those high-quality scans. -- ed]
Thursday, November 12, 2009
This Is a Thing
After some of the laziest research ever conducted at The Typing Monkey offices, it turns out The Hollywood Cookie Diet exists.
Snake oil aspects aside, the very idea of trying to marry cookies (indulgent, fat- and sugar-filled delights that are, like all pleasurable things, meant to be enjoyed in moderation) to losing weight (because the first thing we think of when we think "weight loss" is a hearty stack of Lorna Doones) makes perfect sense as long as you staple the word "Hollywood" to it.
However, for the past couple years, The Hollywood Cookie Diet people have been using Santa Claus for evil. How this slipped past us until just now is a mystery we wish we hadn't stumbled upon.
Behold!
And in regard to that half-assed research mentioned above, The Typing Monkey isn't alone in just discovering this mildly upsetting commercial.
Media critics have noted for the past year that because television advertising is cheaper than it's been in years, we're seeing more as-seen-on-TV type products during the more expensive daytime and evening broadcast hours. Eleven seconds must be dirt cheap -- have anything you want to advertise?
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Monkey Recycles: Part II
If you haven't read part one, scroll down to the "Part I" entry or click here.
Information Supernatural Highway
Soon after Teajay put Ghost in a Jar up for auction on eBay, unusually high bids were submitted and quickly withdrawn by new and experienced eBay users alike. By the time the sale ended more than 80 bids had been retracted or canceled. One bid was retracted because Teajay's approval rating as an eBay seller was too high. Retracting a bid because the seller's feedback summary is too good is akin to refusing food because it looks too fresh.
Two days after bidding commenced Teajay began posting almost daily to assure the audience that Ghost in a Jar was not a hoax. He also clarified that the other items referencing Ghost in a Jar were in no way related to his sale.
Ghost in a Jar had attracted so much attention that many seized the opportunity to capitalize on the phenomenon and make a profit -- like t-shirt sales at an execution. Dozens of items that parodied, mocked, paid homage to or simply stood on the shoulders of Ghost in a Jar were put up for sale.
Highlights of this generally humorous batch included:
~ A collar and leash for training your Ghost in a Jar
~ Movie rights to the story
~ Legal representation for Ghost in a Jar
~ A Fonzie tote bag to carry the jar
One listing offered a homeless ghost looking for a jar. The picture featured a white tissue decorated with a sad face, wrapped around what was probably a lollipop.
"Jar in a Ghost" (not Ghost in a Jar, the seller promised) boasted its own origin story and pictures of the titular phantom: a translucent figure named Herbert, who bore a striking resemblance to Thomas Edison. Floating in Herbert's shimmering white torso was a jar that appeared to contain okra or possibly pickles.
News of the Ghost in a Jar sale travelled fast around the Web via blogs, e-mail and a few news Websites. [Remember this was 2003, when RSS feeds were new and social networking had barely passed from Friendster to MySpace, not to mention that cell phones and other mobile devices in the U.S. were not nearly as sophisticated as they are today. -- ed.] And then it all came crashing down at the end of the auction cycle.
Less than 30 minutes before bidding closed on June 5, a buyer going by the handle "gary_the_gimp_horn" bid $50,922.00 (USD). He retracted this bid with less than five minutes remaining before eBay could legally force "gary" to pay in full.
The sale of Ghost in a Jar was nullified by eBay management and nearly every Ghost in a Jar-inspired item was likewise removed from the virtual shelf. Some who followed the bid history for Ghost in a Jar say the price reached as high as $999 million.
Ghostbusted
One disappointed participant and eager observer goes by the eBay user name Midnightdread. His Ghost in a Jar-motivated auction item was Gary_the_gimp_horn's Ghost in a Ghost Jar. To clarify, Midnight dread was selling the ghost of the final Ghost in a Jar bidder, in a ghost jar. The starting bid was $6.66.
Midnightdread described what the highest bidder would receive: "A ghost in a ghost jar, shipped flat with heavy cardboard protection, just like my instructions said … I might have included the Casper poster too."
The Casper poster to which he refers is a Haight-Ashbury psychedelic-style advertisement for a wrap party held for Industrial Light & Magic employees to celebrate the completion of the special effects for the 1995 film adaptation of Casper the Friendly Ghost -- a collector's item of unknown value.
But Midnightdread had the sell the poster on its own. Site managers at eBay canceled his Ghost in a Ghost Jar listing along with a swath of others. EBay informed him via e-mail that his auction did "not appear to be consistent with eBay guidelines."
Midnightdread sent a reply to formally protest the cancellation. His four-paragraph missive addressed issues of free speech and artistic expression. He pointed out than an item as potentially dubious as the original Ghost in a Jar went unnoticed despite the high number of inflated and retracted bids. He further argued that eBay was squashing an entertaining and ultimately harmless moment in Web history.
"They had a spontaneous, genuine happening going on," said Midnightdread. "Like true party poopers [eBay] killed almost all of it. Their response was an overreaction magnified by ten."
That eBay turned on the lights and told everyone to go home is no surprise. In the modified free market the auction site provides, there was nothing in place to stop joe_stoner_dork from placing a bid on Ghost in a Jar, with no intention of paying it, and accidentally winning. Teajay, the thoughtless bidder, and eBay would then be left to fight it out, possibly in court. No jar, regardless of the contents, is worth that kind of trouble to eBay.
Teajay was not interested in responding to questions posed for this article. An inquiry e-mail to eBay's "more info" address netted no reply either. Numerous questions are left unaddressed.
What would Teajay have considered a reasonable price for Ghost in a Jar? Since the incident, does eBay monitor transactions on the site more closely? If a legitimate buyer had paid in full, what would become of Ghost in a Jar? Would the Black Thing follow the jar to its new home and become a potentially dangerous pest for its new possessor? That is, can a curse be transferred from one person to another simply by selling the cursed item? Or would The Black Thing remain with Teajay, focusing its anger on the one who disturbed its burial site?
Update: For about a year after the Ghost in a Jar/eBay fiasco, Teajay was a minor celebrity on the Web and was even interviewed by a couple talk-radio programs dedicated to paranormal topics. He maintained a blog for a few months in an attempt to prove the legitimacy of Ghost in a Jar. Helpful commentors suggested that The Black Thing, and the method of containment, indicated that Teajay had incurred the wrath of an ill-tempered Djinn, a supernatural creature particular to Islamic mythology. The Website Ghostinajar.com has archived all of the pictures Teajay originally posted on eBay.
Back to Part I
Information Supernatural Highway
Soon after Teajay put Ghost in a Jar up for auction on eBay, unusually high bids were submitted and quickly withdrawn by new and experienced eBay users alike. By the time the sale ended more than 80 bids had been retracted or canceled. One bid was retracted because Teajay's approval rating as an eBay seller was too high. Retracting a bid because the seller's feedback summary is too good is akin to refusing food because it looks too fresh.
Two days after bidding commenced Teajay began posting almost daily to assure the audience that Ghost in a Jar was not a hoax. He also clarified that the other items referencing Ghost in a Jar were in no way related to his sale.
Ghost in a Jar had attracted so much attention that many seized the opportunity to capitalize on the phenomenon and make a profit -- like t-shirt sales at an execution. Dozens of items that parodied, mocked, paid homage to or simply stood on the shoulders of Ghost in a Jar were put up for sale.
Highlights of this generally humorous batch included:
~ A collar and leash for training your Ghost in a Jar
~ Movie rights to the story
~ Legal representation for Ghost in a Jar
~ A Fonzie tote bag to carry the jar
One listing offered a homeless ghost looking for a jar. The picture featured a white tissue decorated with a sad face, wrapped around what was probably a lollipop.
"Jar in a Ghost" (not Ghost in a Jar, the seller promised) boasted its own origin story and pictures of the titular phantom: a translucent figure named Herbert, who bore a striking resemblance to Thomas Edison. Floating in Herbert's shimmering white torso was a jar that appeared to contain okra or possibly pickles.
News of the Ghost in a Jar sale travelled fast around the Web via blogs, e-mail and a few news Websites. [Remember this was 2003, when RSS feeds were new and social networking had barely passed from Friendster to MySpace, not to mention that cell phones and other mobile devices in the U.S. were not nearly as sophisticated as they are today. -- ed.] And then it all came crashing down at the end of the auction cycle.
Less than 30 minutes before bidding closed on June 5, a buyer going by the handle "gary_the_gimp_horn" bid $50,922.00 (USD). He retracted this bid with less than five minutes remaining before eBay could legally force "gary" to pay in full.
The sale of Ghost in a Jar was nullified by eBay management and nearly every Ghost in a Jar-inspired item was likewise removed from the virtual shelf. Some who followed the bid history for Ghost in a Jar say the price reached as high as $999 million.
Ghostbusted
One disappointed participant and eager observer goes by the eBay user name Midnightdread. His Ghost in a Jar-motivated auction item was Gary_the_gimp_horn's Ghost in a Ghost Jar. To clarify, Midnight dread was selling the ghost of the final Ghost in a Jar bidder, in a ghost jar. The starting bid was $6.66.
Midnightdread described what the highest bidder would receive: "A ghost in a ghost jar, shipped flat with heavy cardboard protection, just like my instructions said … I might have included the Casper poster too."The Casper poster to which he refers is a Haight-Ashbury psychedelic-style advertisement for a wrap party held for Industrial Light & Magic employees to celebrate the completion of the special effects for the 1995 film adaptation of Casper the Friendly Ghost -- a collector's item of unknown value.
But Midnightdread had the sell the poster on its own. Site managers at eBay canceled his Ghost in a Ghost Jar listing along with a swath of others. EBay informed him via e-mail that his auction did "not appear to be consistent with eBay guidelines."
Midnightdread sent a reply to formally protest the cancellation. His four-paragraph missive addressed issues of free speech and artistic expression. He pointed out than an item as potentially dubious as the original Ghost in a Jar went unnoticed despite the high number of inflated and retracted bids. He further argued that eBay was squashing an entertaining and ultimately harmless moment in Web history.
"They had a spontaneous, genuine happening going on," said Midnightdread. "Like true party poopers [eBay] killed almost all of it. Their response was an overreaction magnified by ten."
That eBay turned on the lights and told everyone to go home is no surprise. In the modified free market the auction site provides, there was nothing in place to stop joe_stoner_dork from placing a bid on Ghost in a Jar, with no intention of paying it, and accidentally winning. Teajay, the thoughtless bidder, and eBay would then be left to fight it out, possibly in court. No jar, regardless of the contents, is worth that kind of trouble to eBay.
Teajay was not interested in responding to questions posed for this article. An inquiry e-mail to eBay's "more info" address netted no reply either. Numerous questions are left unaddressed.
What would Teajay have considered a reasonable price for Ghost in a Jar? Since the incident, does eBay monitor transactions on the site more closely? If a legitimate buyer had paid in full, what would become of Ghost in a Jar? Would the Black Thing follow the jar to its new home and become a potentially dangerous pest for its new possessor? That is, can a curse be transferred from one person to another simply by selling the cursed item? Or would The Black Thing remain with Teajay, focusing its anger on the one who disturbed its burial site?
Update: For about a year after the Ghost in a Jar/eBay fiasco, Teajay was a minor celebrity on the Web and was even interviewed by a couple talk-radio programs dedicated to paranormal topics. He maintained a blog for a few months in an attempt to prove the legitimacy of Ghost in a Jar. Helpful commentors suggested that The Black Thing, and the method of containment, indicated that Teajay had incurred the wrath of an ill-tempered Djinn, a supernatural creature particular to Islamic mythology. The Website Ghostinajar.com has archived all of the pictures Teajay originally posted on eBay.
Back to Part I
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
The Monkey Recycles: Part I
A freelance writer named Kris Kendall wrote the following article in June, 2003. It was published on the now defunct arts and culture Website Jaguaro.org. With his permission, The Typing Monkey republishes the piece in two parts, with minor edits, as a Halloween treat for our readers.
***
Ghost and the Machine
By Kris Kendall
"'You don't believe in me,' observed the Ghost."
-- A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens (1843)
"I do believe in spooks."
-- Bert Lahr as the Cowardly Lion; The Wizard of Oz (MGM, 1939)
First Sighting
Just before 6 p.m., Pacific Daylight Time, May 26, 2003 a seller going by the handle teajay101 (Teajay), offered a strange and unassuming item for sale on the online auction site eBay.
The object was a jar of indeterminate age with a cork lid and wire fastener. It's the type of canning container found at any number of garage sales or antique shops. This particular jar appeared to be painted on the inside -- red and black. On the exterior surface there were several symbols in a crudely swabbed white paint. The item was nothing to merit much attention. Except for the fact that Teajay claimed the jar contained a supernatural spirit.
"Ghost in a Jar," as the item was titled, boasted a starting bid of $99.00. The sale was to go on until June 5, 2003 at which time, per eBay rules and guidelines, the highest bidder would be legally obligated to pay the quoted price and Teajay would deliver the goods in person or via United Parcel Service.
"With it," Teajay wrote in the text that accompanied his original sale post, "I am sure you will be getting the 'Black Thing' also."
It seems that Teajay, upon discovering the jar near a cemetery "back in the early 1980's" broke another painted jar he discovered along with the Ghost in a Jar. This act apparently incurred the wrath of an uneasy ghost -- The Black Thing -- that had troubled and disturbed Teajay ever since.
With the purchase of this hand-decorated jar, the highest bidder, doubter or believer, would also likely take over the burden of a curse to some unknown degree. But like all curses or pacts with the Devil, at least those rendered in popular fiction, the supernatural entity quickly gained the upper hand in this transaction.
What happened in the days following the initial offering of Ghost in a Jar should have been anticipated by eBay's staff. Like an angry genie unleashed, the sale of Ghost in a Jar was almost instantly beyond control.
Ghost's Story
In the original posting along with the caveat "No Joke Serious Inquiries Only" [sic] Teajay offered a brief history of the Ghost in a Jar and how he came into possession of it.
The story is this: While metal detecting alone in an undisclosed location near an old cemetery and what may have been the foundation of a church, Teajay found a wooden box buried in the soil near the building's foundation. After digging it up and opening the box, he discovered the two jars and "an old journal." Teajay accidentally dropped one of the jars.
It broke and the contents included a candle and a "black mist." Teajay took the other jar and the journal home, leaving the broken jar where it had shattered. (The fate of the box is unknown as it was not mentioned again.) Before leaving, Teajay also took some photos. One includes what appears to a woman and a man standing at either end of a gravesite. They are vaporous and stare directly into the camera's unflinching eye.
Teajay wrote that at home he read the journal, which was scary enough to make "the hair on the back of [his] head stand up!" The pages crumbled and that night he woke to the terrible sensation of The Black Thing pushing on his chest. Teajay "struggled … and managed to somehow escape its clutches."
The Black Thing has attacked Teajay twice since then, although the jar -- always nearby -- remains unopened. Friends who have visited him have seen a "black shadowy thing" slip by in the periphery.
A friend of Teajay's advised him to rid himself of The Black Thing by giving the jar away. Enter eBay. For the winning bid, Teajay promised the jar, the photos from the day he discovered it, a more complete account of his experiences with the jar, a recollection of the text from the journal, and with any luck, "the 'Black Thing' also."
Read Part II
***
Ghost and the Machine
By Kris Kendall
"'You don't believe in me,' observed the Ghost."
-- A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens (1843)
"I do believe in spooks."
-- Bert Lahr as the Cowardly Lion; The Wizard of Oz (MGM, 1939)
First Sighting
Just before 6 p.m., Pacific Daylight Time, May 26, 2003 a seller going by the handle teajay101 (Teajay), offered a strange and unassuming item for sale on the online auction site eBay.
The object was a jar of indeterminate age with a cork lid and wire fastener. It's the type of canning container found at any number of garage sales or antique shops. This particular jar appeared to be painted on the inside -- red and black. On the exterior surface there were several symbols in a crudely swabbed white paint. The item was nothing to merit much attention. Except for the fact that Teajay claimed the jar contained a supernatural spirit.
"Ghost in a Jar," as the item was titled, boasted a starting bid of $99.00. The sale was to go on until June 5, 2003 at which time, per eBay rules and guidelines, the highest bidder would be legally obligated to pay the quoted price and Teajay would deliver the goods in person or via United Parcel Service."With it," Teajay wrote in the text that accompanied his original sale post, "I am sure you will be getting the 'Black Thing' also."
It seems that Teajay, upon discovering the jar near a cemetery "back in the early 1980's" broke another painted jar he discovered along with the Ghost in a Jar. This act apparently incurred the wrath of an uneasy ghost -- The Black Thing -- that had troubled and disturbed Teajay ever since.
With the purchase of this hand-decorated jar, the highest bidder, doubter or believer, would also likely take over the burden of a curse to some unknown degree. But like all curses or pacts with the Devil, at least those rendered in popular fiction, the supernatural entity quickly gained the upper hand in this transaction.
What happened in the days following the initial offering of Ghost in a Jar should have been anticipated by eBay's staff. Like an angry genie unleashed, the sale of Ghost in a Jar was almost instantly beyond control.
Ghost's Story
In the original posting along with the caveat "No Joke Serious Inquiries Only" [sic] Teajay offered a brief history of the Ghost in a Jar and how he came into possession of it.
The story is this: While metal detecting alone in an undisclosed location near an old cemetery and what may have been the foundation of a church, Teajay found a wooden box buried in the soil near the building's foundation. After digging it up and opening the box, he discovered the two jars and "an old journal." Teajay accidentally dropped one of the jars.
It broke and the contents included a candle and a "black mist." Teajay took the other jar and the journal home, leaving the broken jar where it had shattered. (The fate of the box is unknown as it was not mentioned again.) Before leaving, Teajay also took some photos. One includes what appears to a woman and a man standing at either end of a gravesite. They are vaporous and stare directly into the camera's unflinching eye.
Teajay wrote that at home he read the journal, which was scary enough to make "the hair on the back of [his] head stand up!" The pages crumbled and that night he woke to the terrible sensation of The Black Thing pushing on his chest. Teajay "struggled … and managed to somehow escape its clutches."
The Black Thing has attacked Teajay twice since then, although the jar -- always nearby -- remains unopened. Friends who have visited him have seen a "black shadowy thing" slip by in the periphery.
A friend of Teajay's advised him to rid himself of The Black Thing by giving the jar away. Enter eBay. For the winning bid, Teajay promised the jar, the photos from the day he discovered it, a more complete account of his experiences with the jar, a recollection of the text from the journal, and with any luck, "the 'Black Thing' also."
Read Part II
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