Cranium Not Included

Washington Irving’s “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” may be the birth of American fiction but the lore of a headless horseman roaming the woods of upstate New York was not his original creation. Mind, we do not begrudge Irving for taking an urban legend and running with it toward lasting fame. Shakespeare himself re-purposed myth and legend for many of his great works.

Headless horseman folklore varies slightly from region to region. One German variant (there are several) casts the specter as a benign force, whose appearance warns hunters to take the day off, lest tragedy befall them.

Most Celtic stories lean on more sinister depictions of the rider from the great beyond. By far the most gruesome of these is the Irish dulachán (dark man) who carries his own head tucked under his arm and wields a whip made from a human spine. A human spine!

Irving perhaps combined some of these iterations to arrive at his famous Hessian soldier who died in an unnamed battle during the American Revolution. And thanks to numerous paintings, illustrations and a really terrific Disney cartoon, most of us Yankees envision a black-caped, barrel-chested horror on a sturdy black steed, ready to lob a flaming Jack-o’-lantern at timid Ichabod Crane.

That’s pretty much what’s happening in the U.S. Postal Service stamp from 1974:

Designed by Leonard Everett Fisher

For no extra charge we offer two more artistic interpretations of the Headless Horseman:

By Abigail Larson

Cover art by Gil Kane and Ernie Chan

[Tip o' the jack-o'-lantern to Weird Tales for the Larson and Kane/Chan artwork.]

Q: You know how I know you're gay?

A: You posted a poem on your blog

Well the joke's on you buddy, because we posted a link to a poem.

An excerpt from Helen of Troy Does Countertop Dancing
by Margaret Atwood:

but I come from the province of the gods
where meanings are lilting and oblique.
I don’t let on to everyone,
but lean close, and I’ll whisper:
My mother was raped by a holy swan.
You believe that? You can take me out to dinner.

***
Read the entire thing here. (It's short, but long enough that we wanted to link away rather than copy and paste.) Atwood wrote the poem in 1939, published in a collection from 1995 called Morning in the Burned House.

Are You Ready to Ragnarok?

Remember back in Nov 2013, we alerted you to the Norse historical and mythology enthusiast in England who, per their calculations, predicted that Ragnarok was near, so they blew a ceremonial horn to mark the approaching end? No?

Then the Awful Fight Began
by George Wright, 1908

Oh well. It won't matter anyway because Feb 22 the fall of Asgard begins. That is, assuming the predicted date is correct. Hurry up and read about it. We haven't much time.

***

Bonus Bigfoot News!

Since we're all doomed, let's take a moment and embrace the snake-oil charm of self-proclaimed Bigfoot hunter Rick Dyer's touring show. To sum up: Dyer claims he killed a Sasquatch two years ago. He preserved the body and is now touring the United States, charging a fee to those who want to take a peek at the beast.

We could be offended at Dyer's claim. There's no chance of it passing the typical baloney detecting questions. But if Dyer wants to revive the medicine show to make a few buck off of believers and non-believers alike, why waste the energy? The Typing Monkey would put good money on the possibility that Dyer's story becomes a musical in a couple years.

TL;DR -- More Typing, Less Monkey

In scouring the unpaved service roads, blind alleys and drainage ditches of the information superhighway to put together this year's Halloween Frenzy, we accumulated a few items that, while strange or even a little scary, didn't fit within the tasteful orange and black boundaries we try to maintain.

That doesn't mean we don't want to share them. So welcome to our clearance sale.

First up is an ultimately sad tale all the way back from January of this year, so if it's a rerun to you, we apologize. But this tale of vorarephilia is fascinating. Canada's National Post reports of a man who sought help at a Toronto psychiatric hospital in 2012.

The man expressed a desire to be consumed by a "large, dominant woman." He wanted to be eaten. Most cases of vorarephilia involve the diagnosed party as wanting to eat others. So this man's case proved unusual and worth further study. There's so much more to this story, including a puzzling end.

***
From strange consumption to mass consumption: On October 10, Truth Dig reported on a horrible prediction from this year's Chocolate Industry Network Conference in London. The forecast for chocolate does not look good friends. Evidence mounts.

One day, future generations will only know of the confection through a few perverted tales and perhaps a candy wrapper on display in a temple somewhere. We try to make light of this situation because as the adage goes, sometimes laughing is the only alternative to tears.

***

All mythologies have end-of-days stories. Norse mythology tells of Ragnarok, the ultimate battle of the gods against the giants that will result in the death of Odin, the all-father, and the plunging of Midgard [that's Earth, y'all -- ed.] into endless dark, cold winter.

As it turns out, some Norse scholars in England think Ragnarok is about to commence, and they blew a symbolic horn to mark the beginning of the end, which should arrive 100 days from Nov 15. Thanks, guys!

Read all about it on the Daily Mail site, which features a ton of video ads, so adjust your volume accordingly. [And a tip of the antlered helmet to the supremely wonderful Walt Simonson for the late-breaking news lead.]

***
We end this three-course feast of strange with a chewy dessert called The Bus. It's been making the rounds at comics, writing and art blogs for the past couple months, and with good reason. It's a series of short comic strips by Paul Kirchner. We know nothing more about it or him. We could look him up and find out, but frankly, the mystery just adds to the charm of The Bus.

Monsters All the Time

Need near-daily doses of hideous horrors, creeping corpses and fantastic phantasms? [Who wrote this, Stan Lee? -- ed]

Get thee to Monster Crazy and Monster Brains.

Yeah, we talk about both blogs a lot, and link to them in the Monkey Love section. But that's because they are excellent portals to art both high and low, and all of it geared toward monsters. What are you even still doing here reading this?

Oh fine, here's a sample of one of many great things you'll see at Monster Crazy:

Now get going.

Thank You Ray Harryhausen

Stop-motion animation and visual effects master Ray Harryhausen has died.

For a certain kind of kid, the mere mention of Harryhausen stirs up many happy memories of watching his films on TV, or in the theater if you were lucky enough, and being fully transported to worlds where the beasts of Greek, Arab and Hindu mythology were very real and frequently out to kill the hero.

The AV Club's obit contains the fun "Creature List" video from Youtube, with a montage of nearly every beast that came to life at Ray Harryhausen's hands -- including his wonderful dinosaurs that are clearly the foundation of Jurassic Park.

Coming Soon's obit contains this wonderful quotation from Phil Tippet, the man who is as close to inheriting the Harryhausen throne as any: "You know I'm always saying to the guys that I work with now on computer graphics -- do it like Ray Harryhausen"

The Typing Monkey spent many afternoons running loose in the suburban wilds, recreating scenes from the Sinbad movies, and especially Ray Harryhausen's master work, Jason and the Argonauts.


[courtesy of jasonargomov]

Reading About Reading: Demoniacs and Things Under the Bed

Josephine Livingstone's "When Nuns Puked Nails" reviews the book The Devil Within by Brian Levack. The book examines the phenomenon of demonic possession, concentrating on the act's heyday in the 16th and 17th centuries. Her review was published on Prospect magazine's blog.

Livingstone manages to get in a little more literary critique into a book review than most of us are used to, thanks to Prospect allowing for more muscular writing than mainstream media makes room for these days.

Not having read Devil Within, we have no basis for debate with Livingstone, but it's clear she enjoyed the book and her review makes us want to read it. Especially this portion of her review:
"Popular apocalyptic thought—the strong suspicion that the final battle between good and evil was under way—made possession seem reasonable, even expected. The devil (or his attendant demons) taking control of your body was like the forces of evil saving seats at the cinema by putting coats on them."

And she points out that much of the Catholic procedure of exorcism at that time followed what amounted to a script, with even the possessed (usually a woman) knowing their role in the event.

On a similar topic, Peter Stanford reviewed Medusa's Gaze and Vampire's Bite: The Science of Monsters by Matt Kaplan, for The Telegraph. Stanford never uses the term "fortean" but he's nearly there regarding his admiration for Kaplan's approach to answering the question: Why do we want to believe in monsters?

Kaplan, at least per Stanford, doesn't pass judgment on any of the believers, nor does he insist that the psychological or scientific "answers" are the only truth. If that's not in the spirit of Charles Fort, then let's fold up the internets and go home.

Kaplan's book shot to number one with a silver bullet on The Typing Monkey's reading list.

A Typing Monkey Exclusive: Pontiff Prefers Primate

An anonymous source has given The Typing Monkey exclusive access to a leaked memo from the desk of pope emeritus Benedict XVI. The document is dated March 27, 2013 -- just one day before Benedict stepped down from his seat at the Vatican.

Based on the content of the memo, the pope attempted to name his own successor and his shocking cryptozoological association may surprise you.

See a scan of the original document here:

Or read the text transcribed:

TO: College of Cardinals
FROM: The Pope
RE: Papal Election

My fellow Roman Catholic patriarchs, as we discussed after last week’s bible study, you now know my reasons for resigning. Those of you who missed the coffee & biscotti klatch, or had to leave early, I typed up minutes and left them in your mailboxes behind the receptionist’s desk. (Minutes dated 20.2.03)

All cardinals not on probation will soon meet for the conclave. You will listen to old Motown 45s, drink Champagne cocktails, and enjoy the “Barney Miller” marathon I curated for you on my DVR. And eventually you will pick my successor.

Cardinal Lowenstein, I know you’ve been campaigning for the job, but I fear the world is not ready for you. Please allow me to submit another candidate: Sasquatch.

You may know of his works under his other title, Bigfoot, and still others wonder why I don’t just suggest Dracula or Judas Iscariot for the job. I tell you, Dracula isn’t interested and Judas will stay locked in the Vatican basement until [REDACTED].

After my meeting with Sasquatch in 2008, I realized that he is perhaps best equipped to lead our congregation of 1.2 million. He has, after all, literally spent his entire life isolated and content in the forests of North America.

Also, giving Mr. Sasquatch this position will force people to stop using that stupid line about the Pope [REDACTED] in the woods.

Give Sasquatch fumata bianca and let’s make this sedes vacan’t a sedes vacans.
Good night you kings of theology! Good night you princes of the church!
xo
The Pope
***

We've had the document analyzed by a team of independent forensic memologists and believe it to be legitimate. The Typing Monkey has not reached out to The Vatican for comment because we totally want them to make Bigfoot the new pope.

The Tinkelman Terrors

Monster Brains does it again (and again and again ...) with a Jan 8 posting of various covers and interior illustrations Murray Tinkelman did for H.P. Lovecraft (and Lovecraft-inspired) stories.

[Interior illustration -- duplicated on cover -- for "The Mask of Cthulhu" by August Derleth]

The cheerless cold and soggy dark of January is as good a time as any to read some Lovecraft. The Typing Monkey's only cracked one of his tales, and that was before the Clinton administration.

Just as we finally paid proper attention this past summer to Ray Bradbury, Howard Phillips Lovecraft is on the docket, via a lauded collection of shorts and novellas curated by Joyce Carol Oates. We're already scared.

With these Tinkelman works to inspire our eyes, the anticipation mounts. See more of Tinkelman's work here.

The Spanish Inquisition-ers Must Have Really Been Bored

In a serendipitous bit of Web surfing -- where intent and chance run wild in the brain -- we've been reading a bit about the Basque witch trials of the early 17th century. The Wikipedia article is a fine a place as any to start, and should the subject stimulate your brain, there's more to read on the Web and in print.

The Basque witch hunt was the largest of any perpetrated by the Spanish Inquisition, with estimates of nearly 7,000 people in Basque Country investigated, accused and/or tried.

And as is often the case, minorities were targeted for persecution. Women were the primary victims, as midwives and herbalists, steeped in the non-Christian [and totally compelling -- ed.] folklore of the region, faced accusations. But plenty of men and children were charged as well, including Conversos, descendants of the Jews and Moors who had converted to Christianity.

It ended as quickly as it started, but not without a body count.

Though not directly inspired by the Basque witch trials, the late 18th century painting "Witches' Sabbath" by Francisco Goya, intentionally recalls medieval and early Renaissance beliefs in what went on during a black sabbath:

You'll pardon our modern eyes for thinking that with the exception of the creepy skeleton baby, this looks like "Awesome Storytime With Uncle Goat" and not some heinous gathering of ill intent.

***

Bonus witchcraft-y weirdness!

Major Thomas Weir, a 17th century Scottish soldier who, at 70, suddenly claimed not only to be a warlock, but to have engaged in all manner of taboo acts with his sister Jean. All of this flew in the face of their very public life as devout Christians. As their confessions continued, the claims grew even stranger, and both were executed, despite any compelling evidence beyond their claims.

A BBC documentary made in 2007 examines the likelihood that Maj. Weir was largely the inspiration for Robert Louis Stevenson's Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

A Bedside Grimoire

As you've no doubt read, heard or seen by now, a historian of early Christianity at the Harvard Divinity School has gone public with the story of an aged piece of papyrus with Coptic script referencing Jesus and his wife.

It's an interesting item, a good story and, if legitimate, something that might force many Christian churches to rethink some of the tenets they've been following for about 1,500 years.

However we're going to use that tale of a lost text as a launching point to talk about another lost text recently resurfaced, The Long Lost Friend. It's a new translation of John George Hohman's Der lange verborgene Freund ('The Long-Hidden Friend') -- a book of practical magic originally published in 1820.

Hohman was an immigrant and published his book in America, with translations making the rounds quickly, as many in and out of the frontier took quickly to the book's German folk medicine and Native American herbal remedies, as well as the easily recited/copied incantations to keep witchcraft and evil at bay.

Friend is practical magic, don't forget. It's not some spell book with oogy verses in dead languages that will bring monsters forth from the bowels of Hell. The spells all apply directly to the things that any reasonable person in the still-wild United States would want to protect.

Friend was so popular for a time that both the medical establishment and clergy in the United States worked hard to discredit Hohman and his text. A major reason for their disdain was not just the medicinal recipies and magic that cut into their respective businesses, the doctors and preachers were defending themselves, as Hohman often derides both in the book.

Read Stefany Anne Golberg's review of Daniel Harms' translation of The Long Lost Friend. Her take casts Hohman's work as America's first (and finest?) self-help book. She might be right.

Incidental Poetry: Wikipedia Edition

Typing Monkey publisher S.L. Kreighton blustered out of his office to alert us to the following: Look up the word "chthonic" on Wikipedia and you'll come across this wonderful sentence at the end of the opening paragrah.

"It evokes at once abundance and the grave."

Whoever wrote that, thank you. It's possible the best thing we've ever read on Wikipedia, no matter what it's about. We read it over and over and in our head, it's always in the voice of Sir David Attenborough.

If it isn't grabbing you in the same way it did for us, please know that Kreighton showed us this passage while he finished a sleeve of Oreos.

500 "Lost" Fairytales Discovered -- Countless New Band Names to Come

A volume of notes and writings by Bavarian historian Franz Xaver von Schönwerth has revealed a bounty of forgotten or otherwise unknown fairytales from Europe.

Schönwerth, a contemporary of the Grimm brothers, collected numerous tales that are either distinct variants on existing stories, or entirely new stories with titles such as "King Golden Hair" and "The Turnip Princess." And perhaps this description of what might be our favorite: "the tale of a maiden who escapes a witch by transforming herself into a pond."

Psychedelic, metal and hip-hop musicians: Please start scooping these up for band names, album/song titles, MC monikers, and rich source material for lyrics and concept records. It's imperative you do this soon before the next generation of Decembrists knock-offs gets a hold of it.

The Guardian has more details about this incredible find.


[tip o' the wizard cap to The Fortean Times]

From the Fortean News Desk: Science Gives Middle Finger to Yeti Finger

"The finger was taken from the monastery by Bigfoot researcher Peter Byrne and was smuggled out of the country, so the story goes, by beloved Hollywood actor Jimmy Stewart, who hid it amid his wife's lingerie."

Oggity-oggity-oggity! Though the finger was not a lopped-off digit from a snomwan, abominable or otherwise, the story still titilates and fascinates.

Read it all.

Double-Czech Sunday

We're playing catch-up here by posting twice in one day. The pencil was nice and sharp so we figured, why not?

Here's another great find via Monster Brains, Czech painter and illustrator Jaroslav Panuska. We can't read his entry on Wikipedia and there's not much English language information about him available on the Web. Panuska worked in the late 19th and early 20th century and seemed to have a love of the macabre.

The above work, "Vampire", is part of a wonderful gallery on Monster Brains. Check it out.

Remnants of Revenants

An archaeological dig in Kilteasheen, Ireland unearthed two bodies buried in a ritualistic manner that suggests the locals were worried the two men might rise from their graves.

What's remarkable about the find is that the circa 700 A.D. preparation of the bodies predates records of when Europeans started documenting how to keep a questionable corpse in the ground. Read all the details about it here.

Grim Lands, Great Tales

Writer and editor Howard Andrew Jones wrote a piece for NPR on three collections of pulp fantasy writing worth your time. Naturally, he calls out Robert E. Howard.

Jones also reminds The Typing Monkey that we've been meaning to read some Leigh Brackett and introduced us to the work of Manly Wade Wellman. That's right, an action/sci-fi/fantasy writer named Manly.

In a bit of serendipity, the day before we stumbled across Jones' recommendations, we heard super-librarian and astute critic Nancy Pearl discussing genre fiction. We'll paraphrase her wise words here: It's a shame that literature is judged by its best work while genre fiction is judged by its worst.

True. True.

That reminded us that we owe you a review of The Savage Tales of Solomon Kane. We read it in spring so that you might read it during the summer.

Trolls!

How come nobody tells us about these things?

[courtesy of horrornymphs]
Scandahoovia beats the Hollywood movie machine again with another horror/fantasy film that looks like loads of fun. You got your Dead Snow (Norway), your Let the Right One In (Sweden) and your Rare Exports (Finland) and now Norway comes back with The Troll Hunter.

No, we haven't seen it, a mistake we plan to correct as soon as possible.

Fancy Lightly Turns

Spring has sprung sweethearts. At least it has if you observe Celtic, Druidic or general pagan rites -- Wicca counts too.

The day known to the modern world as Groundhog Day used to be Imbolc, Candlemas and various other holy days that acknowledged this date, or hereabouts, as the midpoint between the winter solstice and the spring equinox.

In other words, it's time to think of all things spring. We're rooting for The Green Man. Jack Frost can suck it.

Fire-bearers circle figures of The Green Man fighting Jack Frost. Imbolc celebration in Marsden, West Yorkshre, February 2007.
Photo: Steven Earnshaw

Read more about it here.

Bonus woo-woo: Feb 3 is Lunar New Year (bye tiger, hello rabbit) and a new moon.

Trampled Underfoot or Be Cool, Svjatogor Has a Hammer

Petar Meseldžija, a Serbian-born visual artist, lives in the Netherlands. He paints and does wonderful color illustrations, many of which depict characters and scenes from Russian folklore. Here is his painting of a mountain giant named Svjatogor:

The Typing Monkey knows only a tidbit of Russian folklore, thanks to a childhood spent wringing the public library for all it was worth. We will be looking into this Svjatogor character, as he seems to have a tragic story arc that ends with him accidentally crawling into his own coffin. [Translated via Google.]

"Alla prima" is the technique Meseldžija used to do the painting, which the artist explains in detail on his blog, without ever getting too lofty for us plebes.

He has many other amazing works you can see online and some you can even buy.


[Another tip of the winter hat to Monster Brains.]