Friday, January 29, 2010

Reader Mail

I know The Typing Monkey doesn't have an advice column, but I don't know where else to turn. Last night I was entertaining and my guest spilled her wine on the rug. Any suggestions? I really like this girl, and my landlord just put in new carpet.

Tom in New Castle

Dear Tom,

How are things in New Castle? Congratulations on getting that third date. (We're presuming that your lady friend has already vetted you in a public place a couple times before deciding that you we worth a home visit.)

The Typing Monkey also presumes the spill was red wine or you wouldn't be writing. So here's what you do: Tell her you'd like see her again, and soon. Arrange something low key at your place again. Maybe rent Le Samourai or The Wild Bunch. A lady who enjoys a film of that stripe is a keeper.

Buy some good quality dark chocolate, a bottle of club soda and another bottle or red, perhaps a malbec or a sturdy zin. When she arrives, pour some wine, eat some chocolate and enjoy the movie.

At some point during the evening, "accidentally" spill some of your wine on the same spot. While it's still wet, pour some club soda on the stain, and dab it up with a clean dish towel. Then switch to proseco.


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